Truth is, I was always growing. I grew up on this path, this journey of discovering myself and my purpose. I grew up listening to heart wrenching stories of people who’d lost everything, inspiring stories of how those same people created a beautiful new life, had their own spiritual journey and awakening transformation.
I learned, with the help of others’ stories, how to make it work for them.
My drive to help others has always been there. My twin brother was born with special needs, I helped classmates with assignments, I encouraged and loved people. I grew up going to self-help meetings and AA meetings and being in that environment – it was only natural that I’d be an administrative assistant. Still, helping others is work. Then I went into public service for 12 years. Then, I began coaching others on what it means to be autonomous and polyamorous, but not without doing everything wrong first!
My journey would have been easier with a coach after I decided that I would no longer compromise my values, my wants, my needs. The loneliness was heartbreaking after my last divorce. I had a choice – I chose the hard road for me – upending everything that I had learned about relationships, unlearning codependent behavior, creating a life that I wanted free of guilt and shame and other people’s ideas.
I began blogging about my poly journey and started “Solo Poly in the Belt” where I documented the challenges of being out and proud solo poly in the Bible belt. I used my writing as a way to sort my feelings and to reassure myself that it was okay to take this path.
My journey to authenticity is important to me BECAUSE I wanted to be influential, encouraging, and successful for those people who are struggling with their feelings and wanting to come out like I was. I want to be there for them in a way that wasn’t available to me at the time.
Keep going. Keep taking baby steps to your own authenticity. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll make mistakes, and you’ll be hurt and hurt others. But that’s part of the journey, the lesson – the fumbling toddler on their way to independence, confidence, and curiosity. Give yourself some grace. GIVE OTHERS THE GRACE TO MAKE THEIR OWN MISTAKES.