Sex and Polyamory: A Quick Guide

Welcome, friends! I wanted to share with you some information real quick about sex and polyamory. You might be new to this site or new or exploring polyamory. You need to really know the importance of the subject I’m about to share with you:

Sex is usually on the forefront of most minds of those new to or interested in exploring polyamory, as taking on new sexual partners is one of those major discussions that need to happen for emotional, physical, health and safety reasons. It’s imperative that you do your research and define what it is, exactly, that makes you okay with bringing more partners into your life. 

• What is your purpose in exploring polyamory? 
  • Do you feel that, based on this definition, you are prepared to endure and work through all the challenges that may arise with adding or looking for multiple partners?
  • Can you clearly state your boundaries and expectations around your own relationships?
    • Have you set, communicated and/or clearly stated these boundaries, expectations and perhaps even rules with your partner(s) or potential partner(s)?
  • Does stating your wants, needs, boundaries and expectations come easy for you? 
    • Do you think your partner(s) or potential partner(s) have done or can do the same?
  • How would you feel if your partner(s) or potential partner(s) developed deep love, affection for another person and wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with them?
    • Have they clearly stated rules and/or boundaries around having other relationships? 
    • Are they okay with these or are they acquiescing to your preferences?

• What is your partner(s) or potential partner(s)’ purpose in exploring polyamory?
  • Can your partner(s) or potential partner(s) clearly state their own expectations and boundaries for their relationship with you and those involving their other partner(s) or potential partner(s)?
    • Have you set, communicated and/or clearly stated these boundaries, expectations and perhaps even rules with your partner(s) or potential partner(s)?
  • How would your partner(s) or potential partner(s) feel about you developing deep love and affection for another person, or perhaps want to pursue a romantic relationship with them?
    • Are there clearly stated rules and/or boundaries around having other relationships? 
    • Are you okay with these or are you acquiescing to your partner(s)’ or potential partner(s)’ preferences?

• What role does sex play in your relationship? In other words, would sex be the beginning of a romantic relationship for you, or the bonus of having a romantic relationship for you?
  • What role does sex play in your partner(s) or potential partner(s) relationship(s)? In other words, is sex a bonus of the relationship or the important starting point of having a romantic relationship?
  • Do your partner’s or potential partner’s views on this differ from yours?  
  • Is your partner – and are you – okay with these differing views?

• If you and your partner are exploring polyamory solely for sexual pleasure and exploration, you are most likely not polyamorous. There are many ways to do non-monogamy, polyamory is about the capability to have many (poly) loves (amor). 
• If this is the case, I would encourage you to tread lightly in polyamorous spaces, as many polyam folks have had bad and even traumatizing experiences from people and couples promoting themselves as polyamorous, when, in fact, they just want to have casual sex or NSA relationships.
• With that being said, many polyamorous people, like me, DO engage in casual and exploratory sex with people they have no intention of being in a relationship with. For that matter, most polyamorous folks are very sex positive and typically well-versed in communication and sexual safety/negotiations
• It is very important that you and your partners are able to distinguish and effectively communicate what exactly your wanting.

I offer completely free, no-obligation 30 minute consultations. I am currently offering a Free Workshop on Communication through Facebook events, you can find the link here, or send me an email.

If you’d like to discuss the ins and outs of polyamory, I can help. If you’re interested in exploring ethical/consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, or “swinging”, reach out to me via email and I will be more than happy to discuss and guide you on your journey to sex positivity and a life full of love and pleasure!