TL; DR: Communication is one of the main tenets of Ethical Non Monogamy and Polyamory. Considering all the ways I and others fail at this so often. Open communication is a PRACTICE and none of us are perfect at it. Can we be more compassionate and less bitter?
I have made some terrible mistakes in my communication and caused harm to others. I feel like pre Covid many of us were so unthoughtful, maybe ashamed, maybe too busy to really sit and contemplate how to be a better friend, lover, partner that we unconsciously caused harm to others. Perhaps we were too demanding or had unrealistic expectations or for some reason, unable to keep our promises and too ashamed to admit it. I have been and done all of these things.
I get it. I am pretty sure we have all been there.
I know that sometimes in our lives we feel so empowered that we “don’t owe anyone an explanation”, maybe you feel that you’re not obligated for someone else’s feelings being hurt or dismissed. (Looking at you, Aries and Aquarius).
I have totally been guilty most of my life in this line of thinking. Just being completely anarchist in my approach to people and relationships “my way or the highway,” and “I don’t owe anyone a damn thing” which is something the loner in me has always done – mainly out of self preservation.
I feel that there is a delicate balance of determining what is your responsibility and what is not. It’s incredibly difficult for those of us who struggle with lack of executive functioning. We can only deal with that stuff right in our faces and it may not be until 4 days later in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep that you think of something you were supposed to do, somewhere to be, or you totally dropped the ball and failed at something.
There are also those moments when you may post something and not think of the impact of what that would look like to each and every person you’re connected to.
There are so many times I want to just ostrich it and not deal with it. And I know I am not alone. There are conversations that I don’t want to have because they make me uncomfortable.
But there are moments when I have hurt someone and only find out much later through something or someone else. It’s hard to pull yourself out of your tunnel vision and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You can be empathetic and not always be aware of your own lack of empathy. These days it’s hard to sit in silence and stillness and find that deeper self awareness. Hell, it’s hard to even Find silence…
Where is the compassion within us? How can we be both compassionate and also communicate to someone whose hurt us or crossed a boundary or asked too much or expected too much or things weren’t going the direction we thought they should??
Have you considered reaching out to someone whose hurt you, instead of complaining about it to others?
ATX Poly Coaching 